What's Up With This Place?

That's it. What 's up with this place?

Whenever I walk by this place I find myself looking up in the sky in the direction where those dishes are pointing expecting to see ET or something.  Never happens.

Review of Bite Into Maine lobster roll truck

Bite-Into-Maine food truck on the grassy knoll at Fort Williams

If you had asked me two years ago where you could find a really good lobster roll I would have had a difficult time answering. You see, I really never went out for a lobster roll or lobster for that matter. It's not that I don't like lobster, I love lobster. I could eat it every day and never tire of it. My issue was always the price of eating lobster out vs. buying and cooking lobsters at home. I couldn't reconcile the $17 lobster roll (2 for $34) when compared to buying seven lobsters for the same price, cooking them at home and making four or five overstuffed rolls that were about as good as anything I could find in most restaurants. That has now changed as I've found myself regularly eating lobster rolls in all kinds of settings.

What's changed you ask? I moved. It wasn't technically the move that turned me into a lobster roll buying fiend but, now bear with me on this one, the change in garbage pickup at my old house from Monday to Tuesday at my new place. Stay with me here - with Monday garbage pickup I cold cook up a ton of lobster on Sunday, gorge myself until bursting and most important of all, the remains were taken away before they got to stink up the whole house. Fast forward to Tuesday garbage pickup. It just doesn't work, the remains from Sunday make my place smell like the docks at low tide in less than 24 hours. I know what you're thinking, why not eat lobster on Monday but no one cooks lobster at home on Monday so that's out of the question. How about freezing the remains? Great idea if I could ever remember to take them out of the freezer and put them in the trash.  I've tried but what I ended up with three months and several lobster feasts later was a freezer filled with about 50 lobster carcasses and a 26 pound turkey (39 cents a pound the day after Thanksgiving, couldn't pass it up). My only alternative was to start eating lobster rolls outside of home which finally (thank God!) almost brings us to the Bite Into Maine lobster roll food truck.

This past year I've had lobster rolls at the Lobster Dock in Boothbay, Thurston's in SW Harbor, Red's (I can't spell that particular town), Bailey's in Scarborough, Two Lights in Cape Elizabeth, and finally in Portland - Portland Lobster Company, Eventide, Fisherman's Grill, as well as Bite Into Maine again in Cape Elizabeth. I think that gives me some legit lobster roll street cred. Before I get into details on Bite Into Maine let's make one thing clear - even bad lobster rolls are pretty good (except the one I bought from Shaw's) and it just gets better from there. If you were to line up all these rolls on a table I'd have trouble picking one to eat. It would depend on my mood.  If I were looking for a ton of wonderful lobster meat and didn't mind waiting in line for an hour to get it, then Red's might be my first choice. A side of crab cakes with my lobster roll, probably the Lobster Dock. A great lobster roll without having any kind of view or ambiance to distract from the eating experience, Fisherman's Grill. Something "upscale" and delicious and pricey, Eventide - actually their roll is the least expensive of the group but you really can't eat just one roll at Eventide and leave - add a drink and maybe some oysters and the price goes up pretty fast. Finally, if I'm in the mood for a great lobster roll, maybe something different from the basic mayo on a grilled roll, complete with a second-to-none view and a very reasonable price, I head over to the Bite-Into-Maine lobster roll food truck located at Fort Williams Park in Cape Elizabeth and home to the Portland Head Lighthouse, possibly the most iconic and most photographed lighthouse in the country.

The traditional roll with a little mayo and chives

I usually ride there on my bike, about five miles from Portland. That way, I feel as though I earned my roll by having to work to get it. My wife even takes a short break from getting on my "when are you going to stop eating?" case as at least I'm getting some exercise. Anyway, you enter the park and ride (or drive) up the hill toward the lighthouse and you'll find the truck parked on the right side on a grassy knoll. There are a couple picnic benches but I'd advise walking a couple hundred feet up the rise and eat with an unobstructed view of the lighthouse. What sets the Bite Into Maine truck apart from the competition is more than just a great view and a batch of lobster meat on a grilled bun even though you do get a good sized batch of fresh lobster meat, cooked and picked daily - nothing sitting around a few days and nothing ever, God forbid, frozen. What really sets them apart is the variety that you can get. Sure, you can have that traditional Maine roll with a little mayo and chives or the picnic style with cole slaw but I like trying something different from the same old thing. My favorite by far is the curry lobster roll. Just enough curry and mayo to give you that curry taste without taking away from the lobster. It's really different and so good that we've taken to making them with curry when we do make them at home. Another one I tried on a recent trip was the wasabi roll. I had wanted to try this one for quite awhile but I hated passing on the curry so I asked if I could get one with curry on half and wasabi on the other half. The three people working all kinda looked at each other and then decided that they had the technology to pull that off. Actually, they were pretty happy to accommodate my special request - in fact it appeared that they had never had such a request and seemed pretty stoked to try it out. They didn't seem quite as stoked when I suggested the half and half roll to the next customer who was having trouble deciding although they accommodated her as well. I get the feeling that any special request will now be blamed on me but really, the service is very friendly and efficient. Anyway, there was that perfect amount of wasabi mixed in with the lobster, for me the perfect amount is just enough to almost clear my sinuses while coming up just short of that brain freeze. Like the curry roll, the lobster was still the star, the seasoning simply made it better.

They have a Connecticut style lobster roll with butter that appeared to be popular with a group near us. There's also a chipotle version which I have yet to sample. Most people from away (if you're unsure, you are from "away" if you can not trace your Maine lineage back to at least 1820 when Maine became a state) appear to go with the traditional Maine varieties while those of us who might be tired of eating plain old lobster rolls (please don't hate us) are the ones who seem to try the more non-traditional versions. The menu says they have some vegetarian sandwiches which I assume is to appease the granola crowd who can't get past the cruel death the lobsters go through to make the rest of us happy. I can assure you, I will never pass up a lobster roll for a butternut squash sandwich no matter how good it may be. They also have traditional side dishes and whoppie pies but I go for the lobster. Drink choices are local - from the Maine Root Co (very good sodas) and they carry Moxie which I drink once a year to remind myself how much I dislike it. Some swear by it and it is a Maine "thing" so if you're from away, go ahead and give it a shot.

An OK view while you eat your roll at Bite Into Maine

Fisherman's Grill.  A great lobster roll in a not-so-great spot on Forest Ave

Red's.  One of the best but that line... and that traffic...

Finally, you might think me pretty stupid reviewing a place just a couple weeks before they're done for the season but I have some good news for those of you who want a curry lobster roll fix throughout the winter, they will be a fixture at Sunday River ski resort - up on the mountain by North Peak which means you'll need a lift ticket to get one. They're not quite sure what those rolls will cost (around $14 at Cape Elizabeth this summer) but it might get pricey as they insist that they'll continue using fresh lobster meat during the very expensive winter lobster season and bring it to the mountain daily. When you're already dropping a small fortune for a day of skiing, how much more can a lobster roll really hurt? So, there you have it, great lobster rolls and when you combine the price, locale, freshness and taste, it really beats just about every other roll in the area.  I even rode the bike one day from Bite Into Maine to Two Lights to compare them side by side and there was no comparison. Find them on Facebook (sometimes they're at other places besides Cape Elizabeth) and if you go for a "special order" you didn't get the idea from me - got it?

This winter, you take lift #7 to get your Bite Into Maine fix.

Review. Yordprom Coffee

The picture may be fuzzy but those are cars parked in the free spots out front.

I'm the type of guy who drinks coffee every day.  I like good coffee but I'm not a coffee snob - when I need a fix, I'll drink bad coffee and when desperate I've even been known to reheat a cup in the microwave or even buy one from a vending machine.  I drive through Dunkin Donuts at 5 AM and, working at the airport, I drink more than my share of Starbucks. These are not my favorites but they're fine in a pinch.  I'm just being honest here, I'm not a big enough coffee aficionado to be able to get into the nuances of a special free-range bean grown at exactly 7000 feet on the south facing slope of a volcano that was picked by virgins during the vernal equinox and then roasted by elves one bean at a time.  I have no desire to try a cup brewed from Indonesian Kopi Luwak beans that have passed through the complete digestive system of a cat even if it were free (it goes for up to $80 a cup - people actually pay that much for a cup - no kidding!). Having written this, I'm certain that I've managed to alienate more than a few "coffee people" who take their coffee more seriously than me.  This is just a heads-up: even though I appreciate a good cup, I really don't know enough about coffee to review a coffee shop based solely on the coffee and I just wanted to let you know where I'm coming from.

For several reasons, I like hitting local coffee shops over the chains.  First and foremost is that I like buying local. Second, when I'm going to hang out in a coffee shop to maybe read the newspaper, I like being comfortable and the locally owned coffee shops tend to be the most comfortable.  Finally, it's for the coffee. Although I am not the perfect "coffee guy", I think I can discern the difference between a good and a bad cup of Joe.  I tend to like the coffee served at what are considered the better coffee shops in town.  I've also found that I enjoy a pour-over drip individual cup a bit more than something that's been sitting around a few hours.  My pallet isn't good enough to fully appreciate some of those coffee's that are brewed in an apparatus that looks more like a science experiment, complete with beakers and test tubes, than any familiar kind of coffee maker although those things do look cool and I am a sucker for things that look cool.  Oh yeah, almost forgot, this is supposed to be a review of Yordprom.

OK, so my camera sucks. Matching furniture and pleasing colors.

Yordprom is located at 722 Congress Street in the West End (just beyond Hot Suppa! - a couple blocks from Longfellow Square) in an inviting building set back from the road to accommodate off street parking.  Off street parking in-town - plus one for Yordprom.  I rarely park there because, for me, walking to my local coffee shop is part of the appeal of going out for coffee but if you're someone who sometimes has to drive in-town for a cup of coffee, non-metered parking right out front is hard to beat.  Next is the décor.  Unlike many in-town coffee shops whose décor seems to be comprised of whatever was left laying around after demolition with walls painted in colors made up of mismatched cans from the "returned" section of the paint store (all things that I kinda like), Yordprom features very appealing colors with comfortable matching furniture throughout but they got rid of the couch which I miss.  It's clean, as in very clean.  Tommy, the owner, is a clean freak and that extends to the restroom and patio.  It's air conditioned in summer and there's a gas fireplace for winter.  There's a TV which I've never seen turned on.  Free Wi-Fi.

As comfortable and pretty as the place may be, I've never stopped in just to hang out without actually ordering something to drink.  The coffee is very good.  I usually get a medium roast pour-over drip coffee which I'm told is an Ethiopian Sidamo - I'll take their word for it.  When I'm in a hurry, there's the pre-brewed Sumatran which happens to be excellent as well.  To be honest, I like this as much as the pour-over but all the cool kids are drinking the pour-over these days and I want to be one of the cool kids.  The coffees are all organic free trade from several places including SE Asia, Africa, and the America's.  They make great latte's and there's a Vietnamese iced coffee that is my favorite warm weather drink.  To sum it up, the coffee is way better than most places and as good as any.  They also have a batch of organic loose leaf teas that I have never and will never try (I don't do tea in a coffee shop) although I've seen people drinking it and they appear to be happy.

Great coffee, free parking and matching furnishings are not the only things that set Yordprom apart from the others.  The outdoor patio and garden.  Some places have sidewalk seating which is good for people watching but every now and then it's nice to get away from it all, to have some peace and quiet and to enjoy the outdoors without breathing the exhaust from passing buses. Yordprom boasts a private garden that has to be the envy of every other coffee shop in town as I don't think any place has anything comparable.

OK, that's a bit better.  The garden.

Then there's the food.  Like other places, there are a variety of pastries available.  They're sourced from several different bakeries.  I'm not sure if there is a standard rotation of the goods for sale - it does appear to change regularly which keeps it fresh.  There are limited choices of breakfast and lunch sandwiches   There are often Thai dishes as well (the owner is from Thailand) which can be a real treat.  A great Tom Kha Gai soup and hopefully, when it gets cold outside, he'll bring back some curry dishes.

Finally, the place is as dog friendly as the restaurant inspectors allow which I guess these days means you can't hang out inside with your dog - I'm not sure what the current policy is for chilling with Fido on the patio but if the city is ok with it, Yordprom will be as well and your dog will probably get a treat from the staff.

Bottom line: I don't know if I'd walk past some of the other really good coffee shops just to grab a cup at Yordprom but I certainly wouldn't pass by Yordprom to go anywhere else either.  Basically, it's a really nice coffee shop with excellent coffee, free parking and a great garden.  Giving this some more thought, I just might pass by some of those other shops just to have a cup in that great garden before it gets too cold. 

Congress Street (part 2, The Walk Home)

Mini Restaurant Row at Monument Square

Once you leave Monument Square for the walk down Congress Street to the West End, one enter a unique world - one that at its essence is pure Americana.  It is a picture of contrasts.  It's got a combination of some of the best and worst of what Portland has to offer from successful businesses and great restaurants to homeless (and often mentally ill) people, pawn (and porn) shops and second hand stores.  If the Old Port is for the tourists, this part of Congress Street - the Arts District - is for the locals and the more adventurous visitors. This is the real Portland, complete with all its blemishes.

It's about seven or eight blocks from Monument Square to Longfellow Square.  Mr. Google says it takes about 3 minutes to drive that length of Congress St.  In that 3 minutes, you will pass about 26 places to eat, 5 coffee shops, many art galleries, a college, 5 live music venues, a few jewelry stores, a florist, several places to get your hair done, a bridal shop and even the childhood home of America's most famous poet, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.  That's a lot of stuff.

The first thing I notice during my stroll along Congress Street is the people.  This has changed over the past few years.  About a decade and a half ago, after leaving the immediate vicinity of Monument Square and it's business people you would quickly notice mostly a hodgepodge of what at first glance looked like street people.  Yeah, there were a lot of street people although most of them actually lived in the surrounding buildings, many existing on small social security benefits, whether from retirement or some type of disability. Like you would see in many cities, we had (and still have) many people talking hands-free as they walked, but unlike other places, ours do so without the benefit of a blue tooth.  These people were supplemented by some transient younger individuals just, well, passing through. There were a few eateries that stayed afloat by feeding the lunch crowd and those brave souls going to Civic Center events.   As an aside, making note of how just about everyone tries to avoid people talking to themselves, TA and I now use this as an anti-mugging strategy.  When we see a potential mugger/rapist heading towards us at night, we start talking to ourselves. The greater the perceived threat, the more elaborate our own show sometimes culminating in a full blown argument with a non-existent adversary, complete with swiping at legs and arms while yelling "...get it off me!  Get it off!".  So far, so good.  The theory: even bad people don't want to deal with crazy people.

Cutting hair for over 50 years in the same location.  You want stories?  Hang with this guy for a bit.

And then things started to change.  David's moved from the Old Port to Monument Square which was a ballsy move at the time. The City Council designated this stretch of Congress Street the Arts District which had a pretty big psychological effect on the area. At the urging of the Libra Foundation, LL Bean moved in as did Olympia Sports (both now gone).  Local 188, originally at 188 State St, joined Cafe Uffa at Longfellow Square.  The State Theater was transformed from porn movie house almost back to its original grandeur with legit national touring bands.  555 brought us some real upscale dining and a tipping point was reached.  The Maine Collage of Art (MECA) took over the abandoned Porteous department store building which brought new life to a too-long desolate section of the street. People who only a couple of years ago feared walking down this stretch of Congress Street started to make it a destination and that's where I now find myself walking several times a week.

I still walk past plenty people talking to themselves or sitting against a wall not looking too good but they are now only a small percentage of the total.  There are real life tourists at the Longfellow House.  I know this because I see them when I sometimes grab a sandwich and eat it in the open-to-the-public garden behind the house.  It's a hidden gem that I try to hit if only for a walk-through once or twice a month to see how the garden changes with the seasons.  Continuing up the street you pass MECA with its freak show of a student body - I say freak show in the most affectionate way possible because I think these kids add so much to the vibrancy of the area.  Sure, to an old(er) guy they may have a few more piercings and tattoos than I like to see on otherwise attractive young people but I probably had a bit too much hair and wore too much tie-died clothing back in my day.  I really like walking past MECA and often step into its galleries for a look around. Talking galleries, there are a ton of them - some you have to look hard to find as they're often on second floors like the one that shares space with the florist.  The biggest gallery of all, of course, is the Portland Museum of Art (PMA) which may not be the Louvre but it is a pretty darn good museum.

Port City Music Hall

Then there's the music.  I've not made it into Port City Music Hall or Geno's (I won't add a "yet" at the end of that statement as I may have to grudgingly concede that I might actually be too old for these places) but have been to shows at the State and One Longfellow Square.  I've seen some interesting music at Local Spouts where I'm certain I could wear some of my old Grateful Dead tee-shirts and fit right in.  Blue is another favorite even if my aging eyes say it's a bit too dark for me inside.  The place has the feel of somewhere you would go to in the Village (Greenwich that is) in the 60's where you would snap your fingers instead of clapping your hands.  Even Otto has live music once or twice a week and, even though Empire has exchanged it's B, B, and B (the always popular burger, beer and bourbon all for $6) for dim sum and dropped the "dance" from it's name, you can still get your groove on upstairs.

The change that has made the biggest impact on the street has to be the food. Wealthy people sampling tasting menu's at 555 and David's or grilled octopus and ouzo at Emilitsa.  Budget minded students grabbing a slice at Otto.  There's great vegetarian fare at the Green Elephant.  Bacon dusted fries at Nosh.  You want ethnic?  How about 4 Japanese places, a few Thai restaurants and throw in some Greek, Indian, Mexican, Chinese and French just to keep it interesting.  Did I mention this is all along a seven block stretch that only a few years ago was on its way to becoming a mini Detroit?

"Hank" Longfellow (I assume his friends called him Hank) sitting in front of LFK, Pai Men Miyake and Petite Jacqueline

It's not all Monet and foie gras on Congress Street just yet and hopefully it will never get there.  We still have used furniture shops.  We have Joe's Smoke Shop and Paul's (Quality Foods!).  There's the Senior Citizen Barber Shop - yes, I've been and am happy to report that I'm still a couple years shy of my discount but the guy cutting hair has been in that spot for over 50 years.  Now here's a guy with some really good stories. There's still the porn shop which baffles me in this day and age of the internet.  What can you get in that place that you can't get from your home computer?  Wait a minute, don't answer that because I don't think I really want to know.  And the people. Sure, there are now middle aged couples out for the fine dining.  There's the hipsters with their tight jeans, tight jackets and bowling shoes.  There are your rougher biker types and your preppies as well as the art students all in search of something that can be had on this little section of downtown.  Then there's the classic failure of urban design that is Congress Square.  And there are still the retired and the ill, both physically and mentally in the same numbers as in years past, only they've become outnumbered by everyone else.  Yeah, this is the land of freaks and misfits.  I fit right in and I love it.

Review of Blue Rooster Food Company

About two weeks ago TA and I stopped to get a couple sandwiches at the Blue Rooster Food Company (5 Dana St, Portland’s Old Port) and something bad happened, the counter person already knew my name.  I know, I know, really, how is that bad?  Well, you don’t know the dynamics of my marriage.  Just the look from TA put me on the defensive, “I wonder where I know him from?” I tried, but her look did not change.  “Maybe he’s good with names” I lamely blurted out.  No luck with that either.  OK, OK, I was busted.  I had to confess, I’m a (gulp) regular.  Strike one for the Blue Rooster – like bartenders who innately know not to be too familiar with a customer when he one day shows up with his wife, Blue Rooster’s counter help needs to show some discretion – my wife did not need to know how often I eat there.

I never meant to become a regular, it just happened.  It was unexpected and quick.  It literally took one bite from my first Red Eye Breakfast sandwich and I was hooked faster than a drug addict and his first crack experience.  Pork belly, hash browns, “red eye” mayonnaise, fried egg, all on a buttermilk biscuit.  The perfect breakfast sandwich even if they don’t open until 11AM.  There needs to be a warning label on the sandwich because the egg is so perfectly cooked that on that first bite, the piping hot runny yolk splashed onto my hand.  Hot egg yolk is like napalm, it sticks and cannot simply be wiped off with a napkin and one must either shower or lick the yolk off your hand.  I chose the latter.  That was just the beginning.

The menu stretches across the entire counter wall.

Tot-tine (tater tot poutine).  Tater tots, chicken gravy and cheese curds.  Need I say more?  (Ask for a four-tined plastic fork instead of the two-tined one they give you as the tot’s tend to fall apart when soaked with gravy).  I love the fried Brussels sprouts with queso but the tots keep calling to me like an antsy 2nd grader raising his hand with the answer to a question, “me, me, me!”  I have trouble resisting, though when TA is with me, I go with the sprouts and am always glad I did.  That’s the thing about Blue Rooster, even though they have food for me (The Crafty Swine - House-made country pate, peach mustard, pickled vegetable, local arugula – come on, this is just a sandwich shop), there are a lot of choices for her, including the Farmer Ted (Hummus, goat cheese, etc.) or the Schooner Tuna (with pickled onions and herbed fennel).  Unlike other hog-centric places, we can both eat here and be happy.

There are also the Maine made hot dogs.  You can get it plain, create your own, or chose from the long list of specialty dogs like the Das Boot (bacon-wrapped and house made kraut) and the Barking Dog (bacon wrapped, cheese sauce, onions).  I think the menu actually throws off a lot of tourists as I see many walk in, look over the choices posted on the wall-to-wall chalkboard and then turn and leave. Forgive them for they know not what they eat, unlike the drunks that I’m told line up late night (open until 2 AM weekends) who even in their intoxicated state, know this is really good food.

I couldn't just walk in and snap pictures.  That would be rude.  The Junkyard Dog.

I forgot to mention that this is basically a take-out place with limited inside perimeter stool or bench seating along two walls and the front window.  Even though the food is pretty sophisticated, this is not a fancy place. You are either served to-go in simple cardboard boxes or eat-in in plastic baskets.  On nice days, it’s not uncommon to walk across Commercial St. and find others sitting on the benches by the water eating tots from tell-tale brown cardboard boxes.  The counter people are friendly and efficient.   The main guy behind this place is Chef (that’s right, a real life chef in a sandwich shop) Damian Sansonetti, formerly of Bar Boulud in New York City which caters to the Opera crowd near Lincoln Center.  Think nose-to-tail French inspired.  Who knows why he left NYC to open a Portland sandwich shop (and a soon to open honest to goodness real restaurant).  Don’t ask, just be glad he did.

Congress Street (Part 1, Monument Square and the farmers market)

As I live in the West End and walk into town several times per week, I often find myself on Congress Street, not all of Congress Street but that part from Bramhall (Maine Med area) to City Hall.  I've always been into people watching and wondering who these people are, what they do for a living, or just what it is they do.  If you're like me, Congress Street can keep you entertained for quite a while.  Last Wednesday was a good example of a good day enjoying my time on Congress Street.

I started the day at the farmers market at Monument Square (my wife drove me there and left after shopping) and then I had a leisurely walk home.  I like the farmers market.  There is always a great variety of fresh produce to chose from from some great farms.  I bring one of those reusable sacks with me because when you shop at the mostly organic farmers market you really need to go full Monty with the whole peace loving, granola eating, Birkenstock and hemp necklace wearing scene and plastic bags just don't fit in.  I fill up my bag with some really nice vegetables, eat about half of them, and then throw out the remainder on Friday as they're starting to go bad.  That frees up space in the fridge for my trip to the Deering Oaks farmers market on Saturday morning.  I usually get an extra day out of the stuff I buy in Deering Oaks as I don't have to throw out those vegetables until the following Tuesday when the process begins anew.  Anyway, I started my day shopping with TA before she left me to walk home alone.

Shopping at the farmers market with TA is not quite the same as shopping there with my buddy JF, probably because the overt girl watching I do when with my guy friends just doesn't go over as well when I'm with my wife although I can get away with "people watching" as long as the majority of my comments are directed towards people other than attractive women.  If I happen to point out a good looking man it seems as though I get to make an additional comment or at least get a longer look at an attractive woman so, even though it might appear to be a bit gay for me to point out good looking guys to my wife, there are perfectly legitimate heterosexual reasons for doing so. 

Yeah, hanging out at Monument Square is great for people watching.  The office workers are out in force, especially at lunch time.  They're the ones in the business attire.  They pretty much all look good.  The next-best looking people are the housewives who do their shopping at the farmers markets (and Whole Foods).  These aren't regular housewives.  These are the ones who are married to well-to-do professionals and have the time and money to shop at the higher prices markets.  To the neophyte people watcher, these attractive women look the same as the granola-ly farm women who peddle their products at the market but there are significant differences.  Where the real nature girls have that natural look by wearing no make-up, the housewives obtain that same "natural" look by wearing tons of make-up.  The t-shirts and ripped jeans worn by the farm women are just that: t-shirts and ripped jeans.  The well-to-do housewives purchase their t-shirts and ripped jeans at expensive specialty shops where the rips are placed in just the right places.  Bottom-line, it takes a lot of time and money to get the look of someone who has a lot of neither.  I actually like both looks because I'm, well, pretty shallow.  Sure, natural beauty is probably the best, but unnatural beauty can be pretty good too.

Next in line at the market are the real housewives - the ones who actually have to get the kids to school, clean the house, shop for grocery's and then cook the meals and might even have a part time job of their own.  They don't have time to doll themselves up too much.  Maybe they came from a workout of walking the boulevard or they have a $12 per month gym membership at Planet Fitness.  These women are not there to be seen, they are on a mission.  They have real things to do and looking good so I can check them out while sipping my coffee is not one of them.  It is fun to watch them shop because they are all business - get the vegetables and go because Hannaford and volunteering in school is waiting.

After the housewives come the hangers.  I'm one of them - I just kinda hang out basically because I have little else to do (TA will argue that I have a LOT to do but she just doesn't really understand and I'm incapable of coherently explaining how important it is for me to do very little).  The hangers are those who show up and hang out.  They're a mixed bag.  Some are students on break from something and some are former students who are in a perpetual state of being "on break".  There are some retired folks (me raising my hand) and some who meet their friends for a bite to eat from the public market and to just chill out for a bit (raising my hand... again).  There are also the street performers, some who are very good (I'll throw a buck or some change in their guitar case) and some who are pretty bad (I feel bad for them but usually don't give them money because I don't want to encourage them when it's clear they have little talent).  As a general rule, I don't give beggars money - my reasons are many - to be covered in its own post.

There's also some decent eats in Monument Square.  There's an OK hot dog guy and a taco stand that appears to do a fairly brisk business.  There's David's if you want a very nice lunch though it costs a premium compared to the other offerings around the square.  Personally, I like going into the Public Market House where you can grab a slice of pizza from Big Sky or go upstairs for a smoothie or, when the weather is a little cooler, a great bowl of soup from Karmasouptra (I'm very happy they're also at the mall - good food at the food court in the mall is a real nice novelty).  The Dominican place is really good though that can also be pricey.  I want her to succeed so I try to occasionally eat there even when I shouldn't spend the money. 

Yeah, I like Monument Square.  It's got a great mix of people and it's so unpretentious - even the well-to-do housewives in the designer free-trade clothing manage to pull off unpretentiousness quite well.  It's one of those places that people call "real".  It's got everyday people from every segment of society doing everyday things.  It has the feel of a small event when there's no event.

Next: the walk home - what a long, strange trip it sometimes is.

I'm Sore...

I think it may be my age.  Maybe it's my weight.  It could be my consistent lack of exercise or maybe my lack of consistent exercise.  It's probably a combination of all of the above but the bottom line is, I'm sore.  I wake up in the morning sore and I go to bed sore.  Is this how it's going to be for the rest of my life, because if it is, according to the Social Security calculator, I'm going to have to put up with being sore for the next 27.6 years.  That's a pretty long time being sore.

You're probably thinking, what's the big deal as you've been sore after a big workout and you're only 22 years old or you remember being sore a lot after those double sessions while playing high school football. Pretty much after any good sized workout or some kind of strenuous work, you find yourself sore.  Here's the difference between that kind of soreness and the kind I'm suffering from: in my younger years I might be sore for a day or two and then I would actually feel better than I did prior to the workout that led to my being sore to begin with.  Today, I get sore and never stop being sore.  Actually, I can't really say "I get sore" because it's simply become the state of my being.  I no longer have to do anything to "get sore" because I already "am" sore before I do anything.  If I also happen to do something, anything, I have a good chance of being even more sore than usual.

It's not all painful and sad (actually it is) but if you have the right attitude, it can be fun.  How can being sore be fun, you ask?  Like anything else, you try to make the best of any situation.  My favorite "being sore" game that I like to play is trying to figure out what I did yesterday to make me so sore today.  I vividly remember the very first time I got to play this game.  I was only 31 years old and although I wasn't in particularly good physical shape, I certainly wasn't in really bad shape either.  Anyway, I wake up one morning and feel as though I am paralyzed from the waste down.  I can hardly walk.  It hurts as I drag myself out of bed.  The wheels in my head are spinning, "What the hell did I do yesterday to be in such pain today?"  I can't figure it out.  I didn't partake in any kind of sporting activity.  Maybe I built an addition on the house, nope, didn't do that either.  Finally, through process of elimination I figure out what has me in such agony.  I planted tulips in the garden - about two dozen of them.  Squatting down and planting two dozen tulips and I'm limping around like I had just finished my first triathlon.  Pretty pitiful.

The tulip incident was just the first of what has become a fairly regular routine of hurting myself doing nothing.  I've found myself winded after tying my shoes.  I've pulled a muscle in my neck from yawning.  If I throw in a stretch with that yawn, I risk pulling a back muscle as well.  Like the old folks that I used to mock, I just back up the car without looking where I'm going rather than risk some traumatic debilitating injury by turning my head around  It's gotten to the point where even a bowel movement can be a risky endeavor but maybe I'm getting a little too personal.  The real pain is the psychological one I get from being sore from actually doing nothing.  Chill out all day.  Go to bed.  Wake up.  I can barely walk.  As my kids are wont to say, WTF???

Because of this being sore all the time thing, I've had to make adjustments.  Whereas I used to stretch in preparation for a workout, I now stretch in preparation to read the morning paper.  I used to stop once during a drive to New York for gas and maybe to use a restroom somewhere around Hartford.  My first stop now is at the rest area in Kennebunk so I can stretch and I might as well use the restroom because it's right here.  If I don't stop to stretch several times during that trip I have trouble getting out of my car when I reach my destination.  People sometime think I'm trying to escape from something as I open the door and basically roll out onto the street while my limbs slowly expand from their cramped up state to full length complete with the requisite cracking sounds.  Yeah, I'm a mess, a painful, very sore mess.  But there is an upside: only 27 years to go.  I can do 27 years standing on my head - of course I'd have to do some serious stretching first.