About my food reviews...

My food reviews.

My first thought was to call this post "About my restaurant reviews..." but, as I eat at so many places that I don't think really qualify as restaurants, places like hot dog carts and food trucks, I decided to go with "food reviews".

The first thing the reader needs to understand is that I really do not know what I'm talking about when I review food.  Flavor profile?  Is that when you look at a flavor from the side?  A good palate?  I dropped something like $4000 at the orthodontist on, among other things, having my son's palate widened but I don't recall my parents spending a dime on my palate so I'm not sure how good mine is.  I wouldn't know a soux vide if it hit me in the face and if we start getting crazy into the molecular gastronomy thing, then I'm really lost.  I always confuse sour and tart and it took me years and hundreds upon hundreds of beers before I understood what a hoppy beer tasted like.  I know, I know.  If you're a beer drinker, I just lost all your respect but, as I said before, I really don't know what I'm talking about.  I'm just being honest here.

What I think I know is what tastes good to me and what I've found is, more often than not, what tastes good to me seems to taste good to other people that I talk with.  So this is the basis for which I demand culinary respect - the stuff I like is usually liked by others and the stuff I don't care for is usually not liked by others.  When you come down to it, I think that might be the fairest way to judge a critic of any kind.  If 99 out of 100 people who view a painting think it sucks but the one guy who loves it happens to be the New York Times Art critic (I really don't know if the Times actually has an art critic), guess what?  The painting still sucks.  Same with food. 

Other things count.  That's right, things that don't include the food.  The decor.  The service.  The history of a place.  Yup, the history.  The Union Oyster House in Boston is really not good but if you do it right by sitting at the original bar having some oysters and a beer or two in the same spot where there was once talk of revolting against England and many really big names once sat, names like Adams and Kennedy, yeah... in my book you get points for that.  Le Procope in Paris is over rated but hell, Ben Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, and Voltaire used to eat there.  Freakn' Voltaire for goodness sake!  I'm not really sure what he did but where the hell else are you going to eat in the same place where Voltaire used to hang out?  The answer?  No where else so... that's why you have to eat at Le Procope next time you're passing through Paris.  Getting a little closer to home, that's why, when I need a hot dog from a cart on the street, and sometimes I really do NEED a street cart hot dog, I go to Marks on Middle St.  There may be other dogs that are just as good but Mark has been there for something like 30 years.  Thirty years in the same spot selling hot dogs.  Extra credit for sure.

Finally, money counts.  I have different expectations at different price points.  The food at Silly's is never going to be as good as the food at Fore Street but then again, I'm going to drop three times the cash at Fore Street so my expectations are about three times what I expect at Silly's.  That's why a place like Otto can get a great review for a $3.50 slice and a place with a tastier $30 entree might garner less praise. 

There you have it.  My very general guidelines for reviewing food and why you should listen to what I have to say.  Trust me.  Have I ever steered you in the wrong direction?